the things that freak me out are kind of weird. of course, i am terrified of the actual laboring process. i DO NOT and CAN NOT handle pain very well. i want drugs as soon as i get into the hospital, and i know that is just not how the process goes. i've heard awful stories about labor, so i am not looking forward to that at all. plus, all these changes that are going on in my body are just weirding me out. i had to go to the new life center last weekend because i was having some stomach pain that just would not go away. they said though i was not dilated my cervix was starting to soften. that scared the crap out of me. i know it's nothing in comparison to what else is going to happen, but it is the beginning.
then, after i go through all of that scary labor stuff, i am going to be someone's mother. not just anyone's mother. the mother of a little girl. i always wanted a little girl. actually, everything i ever wanted as far as marriage and a family came true. but, now that i am actually having a little girl, i am scared out of my wits. some people say that little boys are little terrors. they are into everything and all over the place. but, those people did not know me when i was a little girl. i was a horrible child. but, other than that, i don't know anything about babies. my philosophy so far has been "not my baby, not my problem." your baby starts crying? i just hand him back to you. but, this is MY baby. i can't just hand it off to someone else. i have to change her diaper (which i have no idea how to do). i have to feed her. i have to make sure she's okay.
okay, so i'll stop this terrifying rant. but, just so you all know. i am truly terrified right now by all of these things. what are some things you were terrified about?
then, after i go through all of that scary labor stuff, i am going to be someone's mother. not just anyone's mother. the mother of a little girl. i always wanted a little girl. actually, everything i ever wanted as far as marriage and a family came true. but, now that i am actually having a little girl, i am scared out of my wits. some people say that little boys are little terrors. they are into everything and all over the place. but, those people did not know me when i was a little girl. i was a horrible child. but, other than that, i don't know anything about babies. my philosophy so far has been "not my baby, not my problem." your baby starts crying? i just hand him back to you. but, this is MY baby. i can't just hand it off to someone else. i have to change her diaper (which i have no idea how to do). i have to feed her. i have to make sure she's okay.
okay, so i'll stop this terrifying rant. but, just so you all know. i am truly terrified right now by all of these things. what are some things you were terrified about?